"Let Me Do It Myself!”: Raising Independent Children at Home

By Asfia Ehsan,

Founder, the Perch | Parent Coach | Mom of Three

“Let me do it myself!”

It’s one of the most powerful phrases a young child can say. In those five words lie self-belief, curiosity, and a desire to grow.

As parents and caregivers, hearing that sentence can spark both pride and panic—because independence can be messy. It’s slower. It often comes with spilled milk, mismatched socks, and deep breaths. But here’s the truth: independence is not a milestone. It’s a mindset. And it starts much earlier than we think.

So how do we, as parents, gently step back and let our children step up?

1. Understand What Independence Really Means

Montessori philosophy sees children not as empty vessels waiting to be filled, but as capable beings eager to participate in the world around them. Dr. Maria Montessori famously said:

“The greatest gifts we can give our children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.”

This kind of independence doesn’t mean letting children do everything on their own without support. It means creating the right conditions—environments, attitudes, and opportunities—that help them believe: I can do this.

2. Start Small. But Start Early.

Independence is like a muscle—it grows stronger with practice.

Here are some simple ways to build it at home:

• Let toddlers pick their clothes- give them two options and let them choose.
• Create a snack shelf or water station they can access without help.
• Involve them in real tasks like watering plants, sweeping up crumbs, or folding laundry.
• It might not be picture-perfect, but these small steps build lifelong confidence.

3. Let Mistakes Happen

Here’s the hard part: Don’t rush in to fix everything.

Spilling juice, putting shoes on the wrong feet, or getting frustrated are not failures—they’re important parts of learning.

Instead of rescuing immediately, try pausing. Observe. Encourage. Children often surprise us with their persistence and problem-solving when we give them the space.

The joy they feel when they finally get it right? That’s magic. That’s growth.

4. Create a Home That Supports Independence

You don’t need to Montessori your entire house. A few small changes can make a world of difference:

• Lower hooks so they can hang up their own bag or jacket
• Keep cups and plates within their reach.
• Use stools in the kitchen or bathroom so they can wash their hands or help with meals
• Use baskets or open shelves instead of hard-to-access drawers

Think: How can I make this space just a little more accessible to my child?

5. Encourage, Don’t Praise

There’s a difference between saying “Good job!” and saying,

“I noticed you poured your own water and wiped the spill. That’s being responsible.”

The first feels nice. The second helps them see why their effort mattered.

By focusing on effort and progress rather than perfection, we teach children to value their own growth—and not just the outcome.

6. Slow Down and Trust the Process

We live in a world that values speed and efficiency. But childhood doesn’t need to be rushed.

Giving children the time to do things for themselves—without jumping in or finishing it for them—is a radical act of trust. It's saying: I believe in you.

And when we believe in them, they learn to believe in themselves.

In Closing

Raising independent children isn't about raising self-sufficient robots. It's about raising capable, confident, and caring human beings who feel comfortable navigating their world.

Independence at home doesn’t come from doing big things all at once. It’s found in daily moments—zipping up a coat, serving a snack, asking for help, trying again.

So the next time you hear, “Let me do it myself!”
Smile. Step back. And let them soar.